Grief is a word we all know, but few of us truly understand until it knocks on our own door. For me, it came crashing in when I lost my wife to cancer. No book, no seminar, no words of comfort could have prepared me for the depth of that pain. Suddenly, I was not just a husband in mourning but also a father trying to guide my children through a loss I could barely process myself. The world felt heavy, quiet, and broken.

What I’ve learned since then is that grief doesn’t go away—it changes us. It reshapes the way we see the world, and if we allow it, it can become a place where growth begins. I want to share a bit of my journey, not because I have all the answers, but because I’ve found purpose in the middle of loss, and maybe someone else walking through their own valley of grief needs to know that hope is still possible.

The Weight of Loss

When my wife passed, life felt like it stopped. The silence in our home was unbearable. My kids looked to me for strength, and most days I didn’t feel like I had any. Grief, I discovered, doesn’t arrive in neat stages like we sometimes hear about. It comes in waves—some days manageable, others overwhelming.

At first, I tried to keep myself busy, as if moving fast enough would help me outrun the hurt. But grief always caught up. It showed up in unexpected moments—when I passed by a favorite restaurant, when I saw other families laughing together, even in the middle of church when a song stirred a memory. I had to learn that grief isn’t something to escape. It’s something we must walk through.

Finding Support in Community

One of the lifelines for me and my children was The WARM Place, a grief support center for families. After my wife’s death, I brought my kids there, not knowing what to expect. What we found was a safe space where my children could share their feelings with others their age who had also lost a parent, and where I could sit with other adults who understood the loneliness I felt.

Grief is isolating. It convinces us that no one else can understand our pain. But when we step into community, we find people who remind us we are not alone. That realization changed everything for me. Over time, The WARM Place became more than just support for my family—it became a calling. Volunteering there gave me a sense of purpose I thought I had lost forever.

Serving Others Out of My Own Pain

When you’ve gone through something devastating, you carry a perspective that can help others. At first, I thought I had nothing to give. But I realized that simply sitting with another grieving father, or listening to a child talk about their mom who passed away, was powerful. Sometimes the greatest gift you can offer is not advice but presence.

That realization led me to deepen my involvement, not only with The WARM Place but also with Camp Sanguinity, a camp for children with cancer and blood disorders. Eventually, I founded Families with Holes, a nonprofit dedicated to giving families resources and hope when tragedy strikes. These opportunities to serve have not only helped others—they have healed me. Purpose has a way of mending the broken pieces of our hearts.

Faith as a Foundation

My faith played a crucial role in my journey from grief to growth. There were days I wrestled with questions—Why her? Why us? Why now? But faith gave me an anchor when emotions felt too heavy to bear. I came to understand that while I may never have answers to those questions, I could still choose how to live in the aftermath.

For me, following Christ meant not only trusting God with my pain but also stepping into the work of helping others who were hurting. In that obedience, I found healing. Grief never disappeared, but it was no longer the only story being written in my life.

Choosing Growth

The truth is, grief changes you. You will never be the same person you were before the loss. But that doesn’t mean life ends. It means life takes a new shape. For me, that shape included service, counseling, and building communities of hope. For others, it may look different.

What matters is not letting grief define the rest of your life. Growth is possible. Healing is possible. And purpose can rise out of the darkest chapters of our stories.

A Message for the Hurting

If you are walking through grief right now, I want to tell you something I wish someone had told me in the early days: it’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel lost. But don’t walk alone. Find community, lean on faith, and when you’re ready, look for ways to use your pain to serve others.

Grief doesn’t mean your life is over. It can be the very soil where new purpose grows. My journey has taught me that even in the deepest heartbreak, hope is real, and life can be full again.